@A MyCOPDTeam Member I started out with emphysema that became stage 4 lung cancer I rely on her for everything no its not a life but it's what we have if you grieve over the bad hand you were dealt then your harder on those that do take care of you I have no answer for you I just try to take it in stride and do what I can not much ugh but I still try

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A MyCOPDT...

@ChadHoward, you have a very great perspective on your life and that's the whole point, to me it's about attitude and to be as positive as possible. Or to at least try and that's what you do and that's what I do. I have to, because I will make myself sick any other way !

You may want to seek a second opinion from another doc to see if a different treatment is possible.

We never get enough quality time, @A MyCOPDTeam Member.

You may not know it, but California is a right-to-die state, and I opted into palliative care and euthanasia at the age of 14, and reaffirmed my choice at 24, before leaving Massachusetts at 25 and relocating here permanently. At age 63, I’m still not able to choose euthanasia because I’m too busy and non-terminal, but it’s a comfort for me to know that I have control and options for my quality of life choices when the time comes.

While @A MyCOPDTeam Member and @A MyCOPDTeam Member have offered you some good advice about getting some counseling to make sure your choice is realistic and not depression-based, I’m going to offer you some alternative suggestions, too.

Have you looked into euthanasia options for where you live? I found that exploring euthanasia, medical-aid-in-dying, voluntarily stopping eating and drinking end of life options, as well as exploring things that I could do to still remain occupied and busy with life also keeps me unwilling to pull the plug at present but comforts me to know that I *do* have choices.

I find Winter is the hardest time to get through, sleeping too much and hiding from the cold and rain. Not depressed, but the weather drastically impacts my willingness to do anything as I’m always freezing and dealing with various aches and pains, which makes each day harder. So, if you find yourself feeling similarly, please find a way to keep busy.

I do find that there is liberation in exploring my options, documenting my wishes, and enjoying the good days when they happen. Maybe such explorations with an end-of-life Doula, or a grief counselor, will also help you come to terms with your situation? In my case, I prefer a shorter life vs. a longer life, but especially if it involves being dependent. But, each of us is different. While I can’t say either option in your question is the best answer, I will hope you get what you need from this life, regardless of how long it may be.

Please take care of you. Hugs.

Sunday afternoon, 31-DEC-23

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A MyCOPDT...

A MyCOPDT...

A MyCOPDT...

You are not alone in this aspect. There are times I pray to just drift away in my sleep. This happens when I am most severely short of breath. My heart feels as though it will explode, my body trembles and a feeling of dread washes over me. There is just so much medicine can do, perhaps a bit of a reprieve from the fear until the next event. It might do both of us some good to speak with a mental health professional. Not to "cure" us of these thoughts but to gain some perspective.